Unsigned Love Letters: Between Respect and Regard…

Dear Best Friend,

You’ll probably never see this. I know myself, almost as well as you know me and am sure I’ll never find  the courage to post this. Which is why the words come easy now because here, on this blank page, I can say what we both know but refuse to admit. You because you’ve found the person you believe is to be  your resting place, and I because I don’t have the heart to tell you otherwise. 

Somewhere between early morning chai, Ludo fights and late night Maggi, you decided you want, need another shoulder to lean on and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not because it’s too late, no, of course not. [The heart can never be too late. But it can bloody well be too early, like mine.] But because matters of affection cannot be forced and my regard for you does not give me the power to stop you from making decisions of your own. 

It doesn’t matter how much I care for or wish to protect you. No love or bond, no matter how great, allows you to disrespect another’s choice. And I know you. To create doubt in your mind is as easy as taking candy from a toddler, and just as criminal. But I won’t do that, or allow anyone to do so.

The later is because of both, my esteem for our friendship and the woman you’ve chosen, as well as the respect I have for myself. I will not be the one you settle for because you were confused or could find no other, nor will I spend my life waiting. 

You see, I’m about to embark on a journey of my own, the first one without you. Sure, there’s despair, nostalgia for the layers I’ve lost, but I’d be lying if I said there’s no shred of delight. I’m on my way to meet the person I’ll become and I can’t say I regret it. 

However, know that when the distance between us becomes too great, when we can neither see, nor read each other anymore, I’ll still be one Ludo marathon away.

Not your maybe…

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